The facts about sexuality spread by media (TV, radio, newspapers…) aren’t always true, and the given information isn’t always important. For example, media usually presents women more attractive than they really are and they idealize the presence and features of men. In that way love, anxiety, romance and other things are neglected. Friends and persons of the same age can also spread false information about sexuality, because they usually aren’t a reliable source of information.
Sexuality is a crucial part of the human being during his whole life. It has an influence on thoughts, feelings and self-respect, but not just on the body. A man is a sexual being even if he doesn’t choose to reproduce. Culture, habits, social and general surrounding have an influence on experiencing sexuality and experiencing yourself and others as sexual beings.
Sexuality has an important place in a human’s life, but not the most important.
Sexuality is the life energy that moves us to find love, intimacy and tenderness, in a way that would enrich our personality, communication and relations. It moves us towards other people and to give warmth, intimacy and favor.
A lot of people identify sexuality with sexual relations. It is true, sexuality does include a sexual intercourse, but it includes much more. Sexuality includes feelings, sexual desire, sexual actions, personal values, attitudes and beliefs, decisions and behavior related to sexual choices and sexual orientation.
Sexuality is wonderful, motivating and dignifying if there is a natural and positive attitude towards it based on true information, if the partners are sexually healthy, unselfish, humane and responsible, released from fear, shame, guilt and other barriers for a sexual experience and response, and if they mutually know and love each other. There is nothing weird about showing sexuality in a relationship of two mature and responsible persons, especially in marriage.
It is important to posses the necessary information about your body, sexuality and sexual relations, reproductive and sexual functioning and about the health risks and prevention.
Human beings – and infants, and children, and young people, and grownups, and seniors – need a touch. When we are close to someone and when we like someone, we want to show him/her our favor with touch. Most people experience a lot of pleasant touches of the body that aren’t sexual – with members of their families and close friends. But touching intimate areas of the body are reserved only for loved sexual partners.
Sexual intercourses
A sexual intercourse can mean different things to people: it can be an act of love and favor, and it can just for fun; it can be something holy, something that happens only during marriage. Deciding what a sexual intercourse means isn’t always easy for us.
A human sexual intercourse isn’t just a contact of the sexual organs, but a deep intimate encounter and exploration and a unique experience of closeness with another human being.
Everyone decides on their own when and will they ever have sexual relations. Some people never decide on having sexual relations before marriage, some of them wait for the perfect love, while some of them wait until they finish their education. There are those who decide on having sexual relations before marriage. But having sexual relations for fun can result in problems, equally as having the attitude that sexuality is dirty and sinful.
An unprepared and unintended sexual intercourse with an insufficiently known partner may cause the feelings to be hurt, loss of self-respect and/or respect towards your partner, feel of guilt, sexually spread diseases and unwilling pregnancy.
“An early apple is always sour.”
Before making the decision it is necessary to think thoroughly because the consequences of having premature sexual relations can permanently and irretrievably change the life of a young couple.
A man doesn’t serve his sexuality, but he is served from his sexuality.
A sexual relation can give love a new meaning, intimacy and unselfishness; but it isn’t the proof that love exists. A sexual life of two people who love and respect each other, who have trust in each other, especially during marriage, can offer one of the most wonderful values in the entire world.
Favor or love can be shown even without sexual relations, like:
• by a kiss • by a touch • by a hug • by a flower • Showing tenderness and attention • Holding hands • by a letter • by a message…
Why say “NO”?
• because of fear of pregnancy • because of fear of sexually spread diseases • because of family values • because of pressure from persons of the same age • because of preventing harassment • in case if not being prepared • because you hardly know him • because he is drunk • because religious values • because you don’t want to have sex before marriage
If you think that you are prepared for a sexual intercourse – think the following questions through:
• Contraception – yes or no? • Which mean or method contraception to use? • Who is responsible for the contraception? • Prevention against sexually spread diseases – yes or no? • What are the consequences of unprotected sexual relations? • Consulting experts – yes or no? • What are the reasons for a sexual relation? • Are you in love, or do you love each other? • Have you got support from your parents? • Are you under pressure from persons of the same age? • Discuss some other questions…
When to say “NO”? If he says: “Everyone does it.” “You are the only one I’ve ever done it with.” “You won’t get pregnant if we continue doing so.” “You can reject me, I will tell everyone you’ve accepted anyway.” “It is a way to show that you really love me.” “It is because of you I am turned on so it is your turn to do something.” “What is the difference between now and later?”
Every person has the right to say no if it doesn’t want to have sex, even if the partners love each other or if they had gone too far. If you want to delay the sexual intercourse, make it clear what are your wishes and where your limits are.
What to do if not ready for a sexual intercourse?
• Go out with your friends. Plan your arrivals home. • Decide whether you are willing to have sex before you come under pressure. • Decide that you don’t want to drink before you come under pressure. • Don’t be indulgent towards romantic words and convincing • Be clear (verbally and nonverbally); don’t give double signs (for example, attracting him with your body and rejecting him with your words).
Respect your feelings (if the situation becomes unpleasant – leave) Enjoy a hobby – sport, music, dancing, drama, reading, art… Don’t be friends with sexually experienced persons only, because they will put pressure on you Be straight from the beginning: make it clear that you don’t want to have sex Don’t go out with persons in who you don’t have enough trust Don’t go to places where you cannot look or ask for help Don’t take rides with persons you don’t know or you don’t trust Don’t accept gifts from those you hardly know Don’t go into a room alone with anyone. Explore other ways of showing favor other than sex
Unpleasant touches
Touching can be unpleasant and hurt as it were punching. Unpleasant touch can disturb our feelings and cause shame, uneasiness, guilt…
Every person has the right to say no to touches that makes him/her feel uneasy. No one has the right to touch our intimate body parts without our approval, or request us to touch someone else’s body saying: “Don’t tell anyone”. This is sexual harassment. Sexual harassment includes threats, humiliation and violence. Regardless to the excuses of the harasser, sexual harassment is a crime. Sexual contact can only happen with our consent or because we want it. NO always means no. NO does not mean MAYBE, nor YES.
In most cases harassers are known for their victims. Harassers lie. They know when they need to defend themselves, when to cry, when to beg. They always blame the victim.
Therefore remember:
Any sexual contact between a child and an adult person is sexual harassment Any sexual contact without consent is sexual harassment The harasser is always GUILTY of sexual harassment Only few harassers (if there are any) can be changed without any professional counseling
The first thing that should be done is a medical check and/or report to the police.
Hiding or ignoring sexual harassment leads even bigger problems: The harassed person remains a victim The harasser keeps on looking on new victims Many persons can be devastated
Every young person or child: Deserves love, protection and family care, Has the right to enjoy privacy of one’s own body
WE CAN SPEAK ABOUT HARASSMENT WE CAN HELP TO THE HARASSED WE CAN PREVENT FURTHER HARASSMENT
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